Sarah's Wedding: A CHB Slogan
by The Wammy Boys
Summary: The wedding of the Century. Mostly PJO. but with some Uglies and Bleach. One bit with Alice Cullen, Tamaki-style sulking, And Yoshi from Mario with Justin Bieber. But that's it. Warning: A bit on the... ABSOLUTELY CUCKOO BANANAS side. OOC. Crackfic.


Sarah-sama rode in on her brand new cream-colored pony. Halting to a stop, she stepped down holding tight to her Logan Lerman saddlebag.

"I get to rule the world now!" she announced, fixing her veil. Everyone turned to look at her all wide-eyed and chiz. She squealed.

"I'm pretty! YAY!" She was busy doing a happy dance to _I will Survive _by Gloria Gaynor when Kyle showed up next to her and tugged on her white dress. She looked up to see him all teary-eyed. He wiped his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

"B-But... Sarach-love-cutie-chan... It's our wedding day!" He sobbed.

"Nu uh!" She exclaimed, pulling out her jewelwd crown. "It's my coronation as Queen-sama."

"Nu uh! It's our wedding day!"

"My coronation!"

"Wedding!"

"Coronation!"

"Wedding!"

"Oh my gods! Carly in a dress!"

"See? It's our wedding!" Kyle reasoned. Sarah drooped her eyelids and pouted.

"B-but Logan..." She pointed to her saddlebag, making Kyle get teary-eyed again.

"I'm handsomer than him!" He exclaimed.

Sarah giggled. "Nu uh! You look like a goat." Kyle burst into tears and ran off crying.

Sarah started to walk around the hall looking at all the pretty colors and eating all the yummy food. She then saw a white table with a delicious looking cake on it. She _yay_'d and dropped her plate of _baklavas_ and _samosas_. Sarah was just about to attack the cake when Keila showed up to save the day.

"Sarah! I got you a present!" She said all Keila-ish-ly because she _was_ Keila. Sarah grabbed for the present but Keila put it under the table.

"NOOOOO! SAVE TILL LATER!" Keila then attacked Sarah with a poisonous spoon, making her trip.

"Awww." Sarah pouted and peaked under the table. What she saw made her gasp in amazement. It was piles and _piles_ of presents.

Sarah threw down her crown and Logan Lerman bag and started to happy-dance again. "I'm marrying goat boy!" Her poofy dress poofed up and down to reveal her delicate pencil heals.

"I can dance in high heels without falling. This is EPIC!" Suddenly Carly showed up behind Sarah with a chainsaw, making Sarah fall to the ground with an epically dramatic fall.

"I. Am. NOT. Being. Flower girl." Carly snarled, moving her chainsaw towards Sarah.

"Of course not." Sarah said, sitting up all bubbly-ish-ly. "I told Kindell she has to be the flower girl. Just because I'm so mean and horribly evil that way."

"But Kindell told me... THAT LITTLE!" Carly then ran of to the direction of the beautiful, charming, and innocent Kindell-sensei.

Suddenly Ann ran up to Sarah, dragging a cardboard cut-out of Ichigo with her. She hugged Sarah all tightly then turned to Ichigo and ruffled his cardboard orange hair.

"Aww don't be jealous Ichi." She then smiled all evilly, "lets go murder Orihime!" She grabbed Ichigo and stalked off leaving Sarah without a chance to reply.

Sarah shrugged and went off to the buffet to eat more _dhokla_. She leaned against the wall and stared at Ann chasing after Orihime with Carly's chainsaw. Carly was chasing after Ann for stealing her chainsaw. Kindell was walking around being nice and pretty in her (ugly) pink flowery flower girl dress and offering flowers to everyone because she was so generous. She came and smiled at Sarah all gorgeously and chiz.

"I love you Sarah even though you are making me endure such torture and being a girl doggy about this flower girl thing because I'm just so kind!" She said to Sarah and hugged her. Sarah pulled out a camera and took a picture of Kindell.

"I'm going to blog this!" Sarah exclaimed being all evil and ignoring Kindell's hurt-ness. Kindell smiled through her tears bravely and hugged Sarah again. Then she ran off to a corner to sulk Tamaki-style.

Sarah then turned to Zoe who was standing behind the priest's stand, muttering random stuff to her knife. Suddenly Kaleb appeared out of thin hair and attacked Zoe with kisses. Zoe held up her knife and glared at him. He backed away, holding his hand against his chest. He then started to sing, [i]Put your hands on your heart... when you see, when you see Zozo[/i]. Zoe pointed her knife at his neck.

"DONT CALL ME ZOZO!" She screamed.

Ka smiled. "I'm your boyfriend you know..." He snapped his fingers and his hellhound, Gir, materialized out of thin air. Gir growled at Zoe, making her sink down to her seat.

"So where were we?" Ka asked.

"Making out." Zoe said, pulling him close to herself. Suddenly they felt ouchness-making pain and looked up to see Sam and Cara with buckets full of stone. They high-fived and then threw more rocks at Zoe and Ka.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! !" Zoe and Ka took turns screaming, running around the podium. They dodged the rocks throwing furtive glances in each other's direction. Sarah was busy laughing then realized something important.

"STOP STONING ZOE! SHE'S THE PRIEST! I CANT DO MY VOWS WITHOUT HER!" Cara and Sam turned to Sarah and gave her apologetic looks. They then moved on to go to some room and make out. Sarah rushed to Kaleb and Zoe.

"You guys need a room?" She asked.

"Yes!"

"Okee dokee. Be back before the ceremony." She handed them a key and a _special_ goodie bag. Sarah watched them leaving all satisfied and maternally. She sighed.

…

_Screeeeeeeeeeeechhh_... Everyone turned to the arriving limo and gasped. Out walked the most beautiful woman they had ever seen (besides for Kindell, she was prettier).

"It's the president!" Everyone exclaimed as Nicole waved at them with her dazzling smile. All the guys in the room got distracted from staring at Kindell and stared at Nicole, but then they went back to staring at Kindell who was being all sincere and pretty and not minding sharing her wealth with Nicole at all because she was just so great.

"Hold the applause. The first woman president has arrived!" Everyone applauded anyways. Nicole bowed.

"Nicole please wait, I love you!" Egghead Max called after the elegant first woman president. Nicole kicked him away without turning around. When she _did _turn around he was down on the ground. Her eyes glowed for a second.

"I don't like eggheads!" She said and started to walk away.

"Nicole... I... love... you..." Max called, his arm reaching towards Nicole's retreating figure. He sat up and burst into tears. When no one was looking, he stopped fake-crying and pulled out a knife. _I can kill Carly now_... he whispered, smiling, and rushed off towards the bathroom. Sarah gasped, witnessing Max's evil deranged-ness. She ran off to find Carly, screaming at the top of her lungs.

She found Carly at the scene of Orihime's murder, snuggling her chainsaw.

"Don't worry Chainy, no more short evil blondes are going to steal you to murder nice redheads anymore. I promise." Carly comforted Chainy. Suddenly Orihime sat up, back from the dead. She looked up at Ann all sadly.

"San ten keshu. I reject. I reject!" She chanted, pointing her hairclip in the direction of Ann. While the flying hairclip was attacking Ann, Orihime grabbed cardboard Ichigo and kissed him. She was about to run off with the cutout when Ann broke free of the hairclip and stole Carly's chainsaw again. She chased after Orihime, screaming derangedly, and sliced through Orihime's boobs.

"Oh no! Not my boobs!" Orihime burst into tears. While she was crying, Ann took Ichigo and killed Orihime with one swift move of the chainsaw. Seeing dead Orihime, Chainy the chainsaw started to cry.

"You promised!" He accused Carly. Carly shrugged and pressed the _off _button on Chainy. She then turned to walk towards the food table to get some _tacos_. She was interrupted by Sarah.

"Max is evil!" She exclaimed. Carly didn't hear her though, because Jaz and Alli had just passed them, doing the _macarena_. Carly waved at them excitedly, and they tried to wave back while shaking their hips.

"Max is evil!" Sarah tried again, trying to get Carly's attention, when suddenly the song changed from the macarena to _Tik Tok_.Everyone turned to the direction of the second arriving limo. It was Ke$ha holding a microphone in one hand, while her other hand was held by none other than Poseidon! Poseidon let go off Ke$ha's hand and ran towards Sarah. Ke$ha ran off to the stage for her concert.

"OMG! Sarah! Happy wedding!" He exclaimed all gushingly. "I'M NOT GAY!" he screamed at some random guy. He turned his attention back Sarah and Carly, handing them signed pictures of Ke$ha.

"Oh my god ma'am, I love your purse! Is it prada?" He asked Sarah's little sister Jen. Jen nodded all happily.

"It's my sister's wedding, Mr. Gay-dude!" She exclaimed pointing to her bridesmaid dress.

"I'M NOT GAY!" Poseidon screamed and ran off to find Kyle and sulk with him. Sarah rolled her eyes and turned to Carly once again.

"Max is ev"-"What the?" It was Chase and Keila chasing Kindell, who was holding hands with Chris Koronkowski/Mini-Gerard Way/Chase's older brother.

"Leave us alone you cuckoo-heads!" Kindell screamed.

"Yeah! I'm with the prettiest girl at the party!" Chris happy danced while running. He paused only to stick his tongue out at every guy at the party. Kindell smiled all prettily and dragged him away from the meanie Keila and Chase.

"Wooohooo! Go Kindell! WE LOVE YOU!" called Alli and Jaz from besides Ke$ha. Ke$ha raised her eyebrows and stared at Kindell accusingly.

"You're Kindell," she started angrily, "You're the one who made everyone think my boyfriend is gay. YOU CAN NOT BE FORGIVEN!" She pulled out her whip and came after Kindell with strikingly fast speed. All the guys in the Kindell fanclub stepped in front of Kindell and blocked Ke$ha.

"You shall not hurt our beloved Kindell-sensei!" They cried with such passion many of them had misty eyes. In front of them stepped Chris.

"Take me instead!" He said, bravely.

"No Chris!" Kindell called, running up to Ke$ha. When she got there, Ke$ha had tears in her eyes.

"I can't do something so evil!" She dropped her whip and sunk to the ground, crying. Poseidon then appeared besides them and helped Ke$ha up. He hugged her and wiped her tears, running his hands through her hair.

"It's okay. I know Kindell is awesome; it's a fact of life. We have all had to come to this revelation at some point, and we have to live with it. Besides, if things get hard, there's always pink unicorns to cheer you up!" Poseidon offered cheerfully. Ke$ha smiled and pulled him close to herself. She planted a quick kiss on his lips and then pulled away to go sing _Blah Blah Blah_.

"Carly, Max is EVIL!" Sarah tried again, throwing her hands again in exasperation.

"She is?" Carly asked pointing at the curly-haired girl standing before them.

"I'm evil?" Max/Maxine asked. She looked down at her shirt and sighed. "I guess the innocent act doesn't work anymore..." She grabbed her notebook and stalked off to try to find Zoe and Kaleb. _She wont be finding them anytime soon_, Sarah thought to herself. She then turned to Carly, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"CARLY! MAX IS EVIL AND OUT TO KILL YOU! AND NOT MAX/MAXINE, I MEAN EGGHEAD-LA MAX!" Carly gasped. Everyone turned to look at Sarah and Carly with shocked glances.

"There he is!" Max/Maxine exclaimed, pointing towards the buffet, "He's eating Sarah's special tacos. Oh my gods!" Sarah turned, and sure enough, he was eating her tacos. She marched towards him, fuming dark scary auras, followed by Carly.

"NOT MY TACOS YOU DONT!" Sarah screamed, bouncing in her big poofy dress, she pulled out a gun from under her veil and pointed at Max. "Drop the tacos!" Max obediently dropped the tacos, but before Sarah could take them, they were snatched from the table. Sarah turned around to see who had her tacos, and gasped. It was Athena-sama and David-la!

"Good luck getting them back," Athena-sama said and grabbed David-la's arm, "We're off to New Pretty Town now, BYE!" A helicopter appeared over them. A rope was thrown down, and two girls' faces were to be seen.

"Shay-la and Tally-wa..." Kindell gasped in horror, "Where's Aya-chan, what have you done to her?"

"Well we aren't supposed to tell..." Tally-wa started, "but we will since it's you, the great and amazing Kindell-sensei, we will make an exception. Aya-chan was abducted by the Extras. She's being held hostage in Jupitar right now!" Shay-la finished, looking all scary and special and chiz. Kindell gasped once more.

"Oh no! I must come to help!" She said heroically.

"Nooooooo. You're flower girl!" Sarah exclaimed!

"Nooooooooo. If you leave, I'll have to be flower girl." Carly grabbed her hair and tugged on it, threatning to pull it all out. Kindell hugged Carly in return.

"You're right Carly-wa, I couldn't possibly let you endure such torture." Kindell said solemnly, and turned to Shay-la, "I must stay. It is Sarah-sama's wedding!" The helicopter then boarded and lifted off. Sarah dropped to the ground, sadly.

"My poor tacos!" Sarah sobbed. Next to her, a satyr was also sobbing. He started munching on one of the chairs as he cried. He handed Sarah a tin can, trying to make her feel better.

"Those poor tacos." He cried. Sarah looked up and glared at him.

"You were planning on stealing them, weren't you Grover? See, this is why we broke up. You have no self-control when it comes to my tacos!" Sarah accused. Grover realized he was about to get in trouble, and ran over to the ex-boyfriend club, taking turns crying on Logan and Anthony's shoulders. Sarah rolled her eyes and turned back to Max. He was being chased around all around the place by Carly and Chainy. Soon, Carly got tired of chasing him, and locked him up in a closet, smiling contentedly.

…

Sarah was on her fifth plate of _hors de vours _when she saw a couple from the corner of her eye. It was a guy with dark hair and green eyes holding hands with a curly-haired, grey-eyed blonde. The blonde was holding a blue wrapped package with a smiley sticker on top. They laid the present under the cake-table and then turned around, pulling out their weapons. The girl flashed her knife, and carved the words _Luke_ into the floor of the podium. The guy pulled out his _riptide _and crossed out the _Luke _and carved in _Percy. _The girl crossed it out and then once again carved in _Luke. _The guy then pushed her away and ran towards the exit. Sarah excitedly ran after him. When she got there, he was crying.

"Annabeth still likes Luke more!" He mumbled, slashing a minotaur without looking up. A bunch of fangirls appeared on the sidelines, squealing.

"OMG, did you see that?"

"A full minotaur..."

"In one slash..."

"Didn't even look up..."

"So it's true.."

"The rumors..."

"He bathed..."

*squeal*

"In the river Styx."

"Sooooo hot!" Sarah agreed, joining in with the fangirls. The fangirls gasped and shoved her off. One of them came up in front of them and stared at her with big eyes.

"B-but... It's your wedding day," she murmered, worriedly. Then she turned back into the horde of girls and motioned one of them to come out. "This is Stacy," she told Sarah, "Stacy has dibs on Percy."

"Stacy-chan!"

"Sarah-sama!"

They squealed excitedly, hugging each other tightly. Stacy twirled around in her pretty pink dress to show Sarah. Sarah gasped; it was almost as pretty as her own wedding dress.

"So cuticle Stacy-chan!" She ruffled Stacy's hair and pulled out a lolipop from under her veil. She handed it to Stacy and hugged her again, throwing Stacy into Percy's arms. Percy gasped, realizing how amazingly pretty Stacy was and forgot all about Annabeth.

The both stood up, joining their hands. Still looking into each others eyes, Stacy and Percy slowly started to walk away, towards the shimmering lake on their right, shadowed under a forest of greens.

Sarah sighed contentedly, feeling all maternally happy for Stacy. She placed her hands on her hips, and decided that she wanted kids after all. She could still try to bribe Kyle though. She giggled as she made up a mental list of all the expensive items she was going to make him buy for her.

She then skipped over to the great hall, trying to find Kyle. As she walked around, she started reciting her list out loud just to make sure she doesn't forget.

"A pure potato-sized diamond in the shape of Logan Lerman's face!" Sarah added to her list, twirling in a circle.

"Whaaaaa?" A jewish guy about 5'8, who happened to be born in Beverly Hills, California on January 19th, 1992 said. Sarah turned around and gasped. In front of her stood the very essence of hotness, the elusive, most perfect being on earth, the one who could burn a million hearts with desire, the one who can set off a million sailships with a single glance, the one who's beauty couldn't be measured in any amount of mili-helens, the one who's hottness could burn the sun, the one who's sexiness could deprive even anime guys. He was too good to be true. Sarah was in a trancelike stage, her heart beating rapidy. This couldn't possibly be happening. She was bewitched. The wave of emotions brought to her were just too overwhelming. It took all she could handle to even stand in the presence of so much gorgeousness. It was like being underwater; she couldn't breathe. In stood of her stood the single hottest man in the world. In front of her stood, Logan Lerman.

In the arms of Selena Gomez... O_O

Poseidon viewed this same exact scene at the same time. He jumped on Logan screaming "GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!" right when Sarah jumped on Selena screaming "GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!"

Before any of them could land however, Logan had pushed them away, one of his hands holding riptide, the other around Selena protectively. He then made a kissy face at her and hugged her close to himself. "How's my wittle wizard cutie-pie?"

Sarah and Poseidon looked at each other then back at Logan. "Definitly not the guy I saw in Meet Bill..." Poseidon nodded in agreement to Sarah. "Yeah and he's not Percy. How'd he get a riptide?" He pointed at Stacy and the REAL Percy having candle-lit dinner by the clearing. They both shrugged and turned back to Selena and Logan.

Logan had his hand resting on Selena's, his arms around her waist, saying ridicules things into her ears. However, she wasn't paying attention; she was staring at Poseidon.

"You're that cute guy from the beach. The one who read _Little Women _and appreciated my love for prada. The one who happened to not be gay." She ran to Poseidon, pushing Logan away. "I've been trying to stalk you for ages! I could never find out your real name."

"It's Alick." Poseidon murmured, looking down at the floor, his face bright pink.

Selena wrote it down on a pad of paper, "And your last name?"

"J-, KINDELL DON'T PUT IT ON THE SLOGAN!"

"Er, right." Kindell called from the soup kitchen where she was feeding the poor, needy, and hungry. Everyone misted their eyes for a moment in admiration of the great and thoughtful Kindell. Even Carly looked moved, to everyone's suprise. "What?" She asked, blowing her nose, "Her powers of goodness are too unbearable. I'm not completely evil you know. I just have violent impulses sometimes. That's it." No one was convinced. She shrugged and went back to polishing Chainy.

Logan was staring at Chainy in awe, his entire body contorted in Carly's direction. "It's... beautiful." he whispered.

"HE, not it." Carly snarled, throwing the towel at Logan's beautiful, symetrical face. Logan started to back off but Sarah pushed him towards Carly, and ran off to Selena and Ke$ha.

They were both glaring at each other, Ke$ha holding her whip, Selena holding her wand. Ke$ha started to lash, but Selena had already poofed her to the same closet Egghead-la Max was locked up in. Realizing she had won, she started to run after Poseidon in slow motion. Poseidon and Selena were still running towards each other in slow motion when Athena appeared in a big flashy puff of smoke. She kicked Selena in the shin and cursed under her breath.

"You people are so A.D.D This is a wedding. The bride-la isn't even supposed to come out until the vows. And why the heck is the ring bearer-la dressed in an I-love-Ke$ha shirt and running slow-mo with Selena-wa what's-her-face Disney star-la. This is madness!" She pointed to dead Orihime "There's anime characters come to life," She pointed at Ann and Ichigo, "little girls with cardboard cutouts of anime characters," she pointed at Percy, "book characters come to life," She pointed at Nicole, "imaginary first woman presidents," she pointed at Kindell, "narcissistic slogan writers," she pointed at Sarah, "You don't even want to marry Kyle!" However no one was listening, because Kindell had poofed Athena out of the slogan at the word narcissistic. Everyone clapped.

"YAY!" They cheered. "You poofed out the meanie that called us A.D.D. We're not A.D- Whoa! A monkey!"

It was a monkey indeed, a monkey that Sarah had seen before. Sarah started to run towards it, joined by Anthony.

"SUPER AWESOME MONKEY SUPER HERO DUDE!" They screamed together. Sarah blushed, not a good memory to think of on her wedding day.

The monkey paused in front of them on his vine, lowered his sunglasses, grinned at them, and then flew past, heading towards a bedroom upstairs. He opened the door and barged in, causing screaming so loud it could be heard all the way in Olympus.

**-Olympus-**

"What is this awful noise?" Hermes wondered, restocking the Ophiotorus tank with sea grass. Athena looked up from her knitting with a glimmer in her thunder gray eyes. She glanced at Aphrodite, raising a single eyebrow. Aphrodite blushed a pleasant shade of pink and rested her romance novel on the table. She tried to seem innocent, giving Athena big fawn eyes, but it took more than that to befuddle the goddess of wisdom.

"How many times have I told you to keep that filthy, perverted mokey of yours locked up?" Athena questioned.

"Pallas-" Aphrodite started.

"Don't call me that!" Athena snapped.

"Um sorry. But really dear, he's doing a good deed. Keeping the young safe from tragic obstacles of love. Ever since my monkey, the teen pregnancy rates have gone down."

Hermes wasn't paying attention to their bickering; his focus was on the wedding going on below. He pulled on his winged sandals and floated to the window.

"I'm going. Anyone coming with me?" Everyone followed suit, curious about this strange event. Everyone, that is, besides for Artemis. She sat in a corner, absolutely horrified by talk of the safe-sex monkey and the marriage of a thirteen-year-old. Reluctant to leave her, Apollo stayed, thinking sadly of his innocent daughter Carly and her adorable chainsaw. Between sobbing, Artemis handed him a high-quality, magically-enhanced binoculars. He took the binoculars and excitedly ran to the window, focusing on the curious wedding.

**Back to the wedding**

"Safety First!" croaked the monkey, pelting Zoe and Kaleb with condoms.

"We _are_ safe, you terminating primate. Sarah gave us a goodie bag." Kaleb came out of his the room, a towel wrapped around him.

Sarah nodded at the monkey, who shrugged and disappeared in thin air, Cheshire style, smile last. Zoe then came out, grabbed Kaleb, and slammed the door shut behind them. Moments later, they returned, fully dressed.

"YAY! We have our priest back! We can have a wedding!" Kyle exclaimed, throwing his arms around Zoe. Zoe kicked him on the shin and started to head towards the pews.

Suddenly, ten figures appeared right in front of Zoe, causing a bunch of cough-making smoke. Zoe looked into the smoke and gasped. "Daddy!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around Poseidon.

The demigod Poseidon also gasped and ran towards the god Poseidon shrieking "DADDY!"

There was a chorus of "Mommy"'s and "Daddy"'s all over. Carly lurked in a corner, glaring at the gods. "Where is my daddy?" she asked darky, switching on Chainy. The whole place got quiet. It seemed as though the whole world was darker and in front of Carly was a single black candle.

"H-He decided to stay back with Artemis," Hades sputtered, fear obvious on his face, "Whaaaaaa. Please don't kill me!" He started backing away and poofed himself back to Olympus. One by one, all of the gods disappeared, leaving only Dionysus, who was held by Sarah, and Aphrodite, who couldn't bare to miss a wedding. "Daddy! You hafta walk me down the aisle!" Sarah whined, stomping her foot on the ground. Dionysus sighed and drank down some Dr. Pepper.

"But honey... he's a goat boy!" Kyle burst into tears.

"Daddy you're so funny!" Sarah giggled, making Kyle cry even more. Aphrodite then stepped in in an athlete uniform, holding a clipboard.

She blew on the whistle hanging around her neck. "SHUT IT! We have a wedding to conduct. Lets first remember all of our lost demigods, listen to some music, and then we can have the vows and finish with dancing." Aphrodite clicked her keyboard, "Now for music."

"Cobra Starship!" Kindell pleaded, looking all pretty and chiz.

"No!" Aphrodite stammered, struggling to fully defy the amazing Kindell.

"I'll tell mom to give you another lecture on literature. " Kindell said smilingly, making Aphrodite shudder. Athena's lectures were not pleasant.

"Fine," Aphrodite murmured, "Cobra Starship it is, but if Gabe Saporta tries to touch me one time, I will call the SWAT team." Kindell laughed.

"The SWAT team is already here, you cuckoo-head." She pointed to the buffet table. Aphrodite sighed; there was no escape.

Aphrodite snapped her figures and summoned Athena-sama. Athena-sama the demigod, that is, not the goddess.

"Nooo. I banished her you estupido loco pollo!" Kindell cried, afraid that Athena would reveal her narcissism secret.

"Well too bad! She's the guild owner and she has to head the remembrance ceremony." Aphrodite snapped. She poofed the lights off and set a single limelight on the performance stage where Selena Gomez and Ke$ha had given their respectable concerts.

Athena cleared her throat, flashing Kindell a venomous smile.

"Remember Theresa, remember her Kyo Sohma-fever. Remember her "I didn't do it" billboard. Remember she won many layout inspections with her beautiful drawings.

"Remember Dora, who got the only Logan Lerman slogan. We're sorry the fangirls murdered you. We truly are. The Loriginal Lermanites shall perish.

"Remember Ling, who was such a chatty-cathy. Her love for Draco and Twilight.

"Remember Savannah, who supported the Athena cabin. She respected funky names... and didn't cry during classes? (WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT ANYWAYS?)

"Remember Hannah, who was diagnosed with OCD. Obsessive Cullen Disorder, what a sad thing to be.

"Remember Sasha, who only stayed for a while. Whatever happened?

"Remember Seth, who Kindell got addicted to chatplay. God only knows what happened. Maybe a chatplay incident..

"Remember Tiger Lily, a friend of Sasha. She also died mysteriously.

"Remember Sam, I think our dead board killed her. Sadness.

"Remember Zoe, daughter of Athena. She was murdered by Zoe, daughter of Poseidon.

"Remember, Remember, all of our missing demigods. Are they dead, are they alive? How shall we know?" Athena bowed and pulled on her leather jacket, "I'm off to outer space now. I still have to go help Tally-wa find Aya-la and rescue her from the Extras." Everyone waved Athena goodbye through their tears. Athena waved back, pausing before she went inside the rocket ship. "One more thing," she started, laying on hand on the door, "KINDELL IS A NARCISSIST!" she screamed and barged in, starting the rocket, before Kindell could say anything.

Kindell stammered, "She-She-She's lying. I-I swear." Suddenly Massie dropped out of the sky and landed on the stage. "I am Cinderella!" she exclaimed happily. Everyone got distracted from Kindell and turned to Massie.

"Act for us, oh queen of Broadway." They all demanded. Massie smiled and bowed, setting off on a one-man play rendition on Cinderella. Her singing was beautiful, her acting was great. Her performance was followed loads of applause. She bowed again and set off to the buffet table to give her autograph to the hot SWAT team guys.

"Kindell stared up at the sky, hoping for Cobra Starship. Instead, falling out of the was Angie.

"Angie!" Everyone shouted, "We thought you were gone!"

Kindell smirked. "If she was gone, I'd put her in the remembrance ceremony. Don't ever doubt my intellect and sixth sense."

Angie smiled, hanging her bow-and-arrow behind her back, "Just as narcissistic as ever Kindell, I see." She ignored Kindell's protests and pointed a finger to the sky, huntresses of Artemis dropping down. They all ran to the buffet and aimed their bows-and-arrows on the snicker-doodles, claiming them for themselves. They grabbed the cookies and disappeared back into the sky. Only Angie remained. She walked calmly over to the buffet and took the last snicker-doodle. She was about to disappear, when Gabe Saporta fell out of the sky. He held out a rose to her, which she rejected. Gabe turned around and winked at the rest of his band and returned to the stage.

"We're Cobra Starship, and today we'll be singing our song 'Angie'" The music started, "Angie I love you, you know it's true, please don't ask me to-" Angie kicked Gabe on the shin as hard as she could.

"I'm a huntress of Artemis you supreme idjit!" With that, she disappeared.

"Fine," Gabe whined, "We'll sing 'Pete Wentz is the only reason we're famous.'"

"So true!" Pete Wentz called from the crowd.

"No! I made you famous!" Patrick Stump interjected in a bunny suit.

"Awww. Patrick is so cute!" Kindell gushed, tugging on his bunny ears.

Sarah did a double-take, "Wait so you're a chubby chaser on top of a narcissist, Kindell..." she buried her face in her hands "Why do I always get the mentally cuckoo ones for friends? Why, god? Why?"

"No one gets me!" Kindell sobbed, running off to the restroom to cry. Sarah chased after her.

"Wait, the vows are about to start! You need to be flower girl!"

_I'm not street but I do what I gotta. So what you got a crew, I got a crew too. I'm not street but I do what I gotta do... Slush it up, Slush it up. _

Kindell came back out of the restroom. "I can't hear Cobra in there!"

"Aww it's okay." Sarah hugged Kindell, "I still love you sensei."

"I love you too Sarah-sama. That's why I have a special suprise for you."

"What?" Sarah asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

"You'll see later. First you need to get your hair and make-up done" Kindell dragged Sarah to the bridal dressing room, where Keila awaited as her maid of honor. She pushed Sarah in and went off to the garden to pick flowers.

Sarah turned to Keila, "I'm scared..."

Keila hugged Sarah, stroking her hair. "It's okay Sarah. You're such a pretty bride. You'll be great. Just listen to some music." Keila turned on "Broken Arrow" by Hanson, singing along as she applied make-up on Sarah.

"Keila! This song is just depressing me!"

"Never," dark auras radiated off of Keila, "NEVER. Insult Hanson."

"I-I," Sarah stammered, "I wasn't insulting, it's just sad."

"Oh okay." Keila changed the song to "I write sins not Tragedies" by Panic! At the disco.

_"What a beautiful wedding!, What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter. _

_"Oh yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore." _Sarah slammed off the CD-player and glared at Keila.

"I'm. not. a. wh-" "Yeah I know Sarah." Keila face-palmed. Sarah face-palmed. They both kept face-palming until they heard someone scream "IT'S TIME!" They looked out of the window. "Alice Cullen?" They wondered together, scratching their heads.

There was a knock on the door. Dionysus poked his head through. "Come on daughter. Time to become Mrs. Goat." Sarah threw her arms around him, and after confirming with Keila her eyeliner and mascara were waterproof, she burst into tears.

"Daddy I'm scared." She sobbed. He offered her a glass of wine.

"Have some. It's 1986, nice and sweet."

"Daddy I'm underage! Dionysus just tut-tuted and adjusted his tiger-print shirt.

"It's your wedding sweetie. Don't worry." Sarah shrugged and drank down the glass. It was yummy! She linked her arm with her dad and they crept down the back stairs, stopping right behind the main door. Sarah peered from the window on the door to the path to the pews. It was long; she wasn't sure about walking so far a distance in high heels. Then she remembered she had a god escorting her through. She still had a few minutes until Kindell showed up with enough flowers to walk so long an aisle, so she decided to observe more of the room. She was impressed; it looked great.

There were rows of round tables on the sides, outlining the seated throng of people, covered with blindingly white sheets and identical pink carnations in thin sanded vases atop. The front of the pews were encased in rose petals, leaving just enough white marbled floor for a bride and groom to stand in. A brightly lit chandelier hung from the middle of the ceiling, over five ft. in diameter. Around it were four, smaller, less bright chandeliers, each around thirty ft. away. Across the entire top portion of the wall, on all sides were garlands of white lilacs, popping against the royal purple wallpaper. The aisle was sparkly-looking golden carpet. In the back two corners were aquarium-sized fish tanks, standing in as a bright blue background. Under the royal purple wallpaper were large gold-rimmed mirrors, a boquet of red roses hanging between every mirror. Light seemed to be reflecting off of everything and everyone, intensifying every visible aspect of beauty.

Sarah turned to the stage to see Logan and Kyle hooking up their guitars. Sarah wondered what Kyle was doing up on the stage. Even stranger, he wasn't wearing his groom clothes. She gasped, remembering Kindell's foretelling of a surprise. Slowly, she moved her eyes to the front. Poseidon stood holding a big pillow and dressed in his ring bearer outfit, full with knee-socks. Next to Poseidon was Grover in his best man attire, nibbling nervously on a tin can. And next to Grover, in bridegroom clothing, was..._Anthony._

Kindell chose that moment to appear, murmuring "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." Not giving Sarah a chance to talk, she handed Sarah a blue garter, "Something blue, check!" She turned Sarah around in a circle. "Old dress. New veil. Now we need something borrowed.

"Here." Keila offered. She reached into a small pouch and handed Sarah a few gold bracelets. Kindell smiled, "Something borrowed, check, all done!"

Sarah grabbed Kindell by the shoulder and turned her around, tears brimming in her eyes. She hugged her tightly. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" Kindell hugged her back, "I didn't want you to marry a goa- er, man you didn't love." She muttered stiffly.

Carly, Ann, Stacy, Keila, Athena (who had finished her mission of saving Aya and come back from outer space), Massie, and Ann lined up side-by-side in their bridesmaid dresses, Keila in the middle in a slightly longer and frillier maid-of-honor dress. In front of them was Sarah's mother, and in front of her was, of course, the flower girl, Kindell.

Kindell opened the door, giving cue to the music, which was Logan and Kyle. They strung a few cheery-sounding cords on repeat and Kindell let out a deep breath, clutching her basket. She walked down the aisle, elegently throwing red roses in each direction. She reached the end of the aisle and the music changed to cue Sarah's mother, who was in absolute hysterics, sobbing as she walked. Around half-way her trek, Scott joined her and put his arms around her shoulder, steadying her enough to make it all the way. The music changed again and the bridesmaids headed down, their steps in synchronization. They all looked beautiful in their own shapes and sizes, united in this event of happiness for a friend of theirs so close to their hearts. They soon, too reached the end.

The chords to _Here comes the Bride _were strung, causing silent tears to fall down both Logan and Kyle's faces as they played it, Sarah was a heartbreakingly, breathtakingly, beautiful bride, her hair in ringlets, her skin flawless and cream-like. Logan and Kyle felt their hearts breaking into a million pieces, never to be glued together by any force. Sarah felt a moment of guilt as she passed them, especially for Kyle. She shook it off and took Dionysus's arm, stepping on to the aisle. She knew she was supposed to be blushing and looking down, but her eyes couldn't help but wander to Anthony's face. There was a certain emotion in his face that she had never seen. It looked like the face of an overwhelmed little boy. He looked horribly weak, as though he couldn't make sense of anything. As his eyes met Sarah's, the confusion seemed to subside. He smiled slightly, his eyes looking a bit watery. Sarah felt a strange sensation inside her, Could it be she was falling in love all over? Suddenly she just wanted to run across the aisle to Anthony, throw her arms around him, and never let go. Her father's hold was all that kept her back.

After what seemed like an eternity of walking in those horribly painfully high heels she reached the end. Being careful to compose herself she slowly took is hands, letting him help her up. Their eyes never left each others as they delivered their designated lines.

"Sarah, do you take Anthony as your husband?" Zoe asked.

"I do." Sarah said as clearly as she could manage, tears trickling down her cheeks silently.

"Anthony, so you take Sarah as your wife?" Zoe asked again, adjusting her glasses.

"I do." Anthony stepped closer to Sarah, putting one hand on her shoulder, waiting for Zoe to say the magic words.

"You may kiss the bride." Zoe muttered and threw her glasses off. "My job here is done, I'm going back to Hot Topic." She poofed away, not waiting for the to happen. Anyone would say she missed out.

The minute the words were said, Anthony's lips were on Sarah's. Pulling her closer and closer, they couldn't bare the thought of pulling away. They didn't snap out of it until the flashing of cameras became almost omnipresent. Sarah blushed, looking down at the floor as he let go of her. He wrapped his arms around her and led her to the cake.

The cake was absolutely huge; it had three white butter-cream layers with red rose shaped icing around the circumference. Atop it were two plastic figures that looked exactly like miniature plastic versions of Anthony and Sarah. How long had Kindell had this surprise planned anyways?

Sarah felt a little vary about cutting the cake; it looked too good to eat. She handed the knife to Anthony, who placed her hand on his and they cut together. Sarah picked up the piece, feeding it to Anthony. Anthony cut another piece, placing it in Sarah's mouth. It was the most delicious thing since tacos. The butter-cream icing tasted like melted white chocolate made dairy-free. The roses were a sort of tart strawberry and the actual cake base was moist yet still warm, milky tasting (but dairy free). Reveling in the yummy-ness of the cake, she almost forgot about the bouquet in her hands. She threw it right into the throng of her bridesmaids. The bouquet landed right into the surprised hands of Carly, who stared it like it was rat poison.

"I-I.. I don't wanna g-get married..." Carly sunk to the ground, hyperventilating. She moved her hands to her forehead burying them in her hair. "This can't be happening." Her voice seemed to be cracking when suddenly she shot up, laughing like derangedly. "Who'd want to marry ME?" She cackled. A line of Violent-la fanboys formed.

"Pick me!" called a skinny guy with sleeked back hair and big fishbowl glasses.

"No! Pick me!" a red-head kid with braces called. She pulled Chainy's string three times. It roared up on my high velocity, slicing sound waves throughout. With an agile swipe, both of their heads fell to the ground, blood splashing across the white marble floor. The entire line subsided, scattering away from the ferocious Chainy, which was crying again."

"I killed... two whole people!" Carly switched it off, swearing colorfully under her breath. Kindell came behind her and hugged her.

"Don't hug me!" Carly screamed, pulling Chainy out.

"That doesn't scare me Carly-wa. I have my own chainsaw remember?" she pulled out Miki, her death cockroach chainsaw.

"Hi!" Miki growled.

"" Fenolgio screamed and fainted, rising again.

"D'Arvit," Kindell swore, "Bringing out Miki brought the rest of my chatpat characters." She turned to the spacy set of chibi Neopian characters, "Razzmatazz! Don't start your Hermione Granger speech now! And Jubby, stop that! I get it, I get it, you don't want to go to China. No, dont kiss Razzmatazz. She's your sister, you jub-dwarf! Oh god Fenoglio, will you STOP grumbling? What do you mean you stole Davedays's Miley Cyrus cardboard. I know you like her, but you NEED TO GIVE IT BACK! I mean it Fenoglio, it's creepy. Razzmatazz, put away that Edward Cullen manikin before I hurt you! JUBBY NO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHINA THEREFORE YOU CAN NOT PASSIONATELY KISS YOUR SISTER GOODBYE!" Kindell face-palmed, putting away Miki and finally managing to poof away the chatplay characters. she sat still for a few minutes, letting her head stop hurting and then she turned to Carly.

"Carls, just wanted to tell you, the one you'll be marrying is..." she panted, not able to say anymore.

"Me!" called a beautiful voice from behind the stage. The figure came closer and closer, radiating light rays. It was so much beauty, Carly gasped. Logan Lerman. She'd be marrying Logan Lerman! She stared at Kindell, awestruck.

"You're letting me have Logan?" she asked disbelievingly. "You're single too. You have just as much of a claim as I do, yet you're letting me have him?"

Kindell shrugged, "You showed lots of diligence, locking Egghead-la in a closet. I know it was hard, but you realized he was evil. Logan was a reward. Besides, I have my anime guys." She turned to Sarah and Anthony. "This drama's over. You two proceed."

By now Sarah and Anthony were done cutting the entire cake. It was time for Anthony to remove the garter.

He sat Sarah down on a stool, removed her shoe, and lifted her dress. He stuck the blue garter and pulled it down, tossing it straight into Poseidon's hand.

"Wait..." Poseidon started, "If Cary will marry Logan and she caught the bouquet, shouldn't Logan catch the garter?"

"No." Kindell explained, "It will be a double wedding. Carly+Logan and you+Selena Gomez"

"How do you know?"

"Because I'll be the one writing the slogan, you estupido loco pollo" she turned to the audience, "Coming out April 21st, 2011."

Poseidon shrugged. "Okay, makes sense. But please don't insult me in Spanish."

Alli stepped up and kicked Kindell. "You just butchered a language, wack-head. It's pollo loco, not loco pollo. Learn how to say crazy chicken right."

Kindell giggled. "Me? Wacky? _You're_ calling _me_ wacky?"

Alli stomped her foot, "I'm not _that _wacky! STOP LAUGHING! Kindell, I promise, if you don't stop I'll push you under a car."

"You're cuckoo bananas. No car can come inside here." Kindell kept giggling, ignoring the fuming mad nerd Alli. No sooner had Kindell said these words, a limo crashed in through one of the aquariums.

"What the _baby_?" a short flippy-haired kid screeched. He turned to the driver. "I'm only going to ask you _one time_, How did this crash happen? I swear if you don't tell me, your _Shawty_ is going to be _one more lonely girl_."

"Justin, sweetie, be nice." Yoshi called from inside the limo, "God must have a reason for bringing us to a crazy demigod wedding. I'm a son of Poseidon you know."

Justin nodded, "I love you Yoshi!"

Alli cheered. "There IS a reason! You need to run over Kindell!"

Kindell screamed, running around. The limo chased after her, the chase refusing to end. The limo was closing in now, threatening to flatten her. Suddenly she stopped running, eyes on her watch. She turned around and stared right at the limo, bursting into a wave of homicidal laughter.

**BOOM!**

...

Every flower petal in the building exploded, destroying the entire place. Thanks to Kindell's homicidal laughter though, everyone exited the building in time. Everyone that is, besides for Egghead-la Max and Ke$ha, who were still locked in the closet, and died.

Outside fireworks came on in the sky, spelling a message.

_You shouldn't have made me flower girl Sarah_

_I planted timed atomic bombs in all of the flowers_

_Now you shall all die!_

Sarah was unaffected however. She had her perfect wedding, her perfect husband, and a perfect moment right here. With the fireworks still in the air, she took Anthony's hand.

_Rise Against_, Sarah's favorite band appeared and started to play. Sarah and Logan took hold of each other and danced the first dance, kissing their second kiss of the day. That's how the night ended, Sarah and Anthony, under the night sky, in a warm embrace, their lips locked.

**TACOS FOR THE WIN!**


End file.
